A Day in the Market

I’m confident that most people, like me, are victims to the Target syndrome, the syndrome where you walk into Target with a list of 3 things and walk out having spent $150 or worse. Of course all the things you buy are somehow justified and at the time you were pretty sure you ‘needed’ them. It turns out I have found my Target here in Uganda. It looks a bit different and is really more of a collision of a Target and Goodwill, but nonetheless Target Syndrome kicks in.

Markets are very common in Uganda and each Friday our village has their market. It is a place where you can find food, light bulbs, extension cords, shoe polish, soap, hair extensions (something I am not tempted to buy), radios, fabric, new shoes, secondhand shoes, new clothes, secondhand clothes, bras, bags, bread, mangos, on and on and on. I love market days and look forward to them each Friday.

A few Fridays ago I found myself having experienced the Target Syndrome. Honestly, I went to the market with a list. I needed 4 items: light bulbs, a pad lock, 1 pair of shoes for a student and flooring for my room. I walked out with the following:

Flooring for my room

A pad lock

2 pairs of shoes for 2 different students

2 kilos of sugar

4 plastic cups

A loaf of bread

A slip or petticoat as they call them here

21 pieces of clothing for kids (secondhand) – that is always the kicker, I can’t help myself. I love love love buying kids clothes.

Bananas

The reason I bring this up is because as I was spending money like it grew on trees, I thought it may be interesting to share with you the cost of things here in Uganda and provide a bit of insight to how things are not that cheap here, especially when given the monthly income of most people.

I bought 2 pairs of secondhand shoes for students at the school, one pair for $7.50 and the other pair for $12.50. Shoes for $7.50 isn’t so bad until you figure the same pair of shoes would cost around $3 at Goodwill in America. I bought 2 kilos of sugar for $1.25 each. The bread was $1.20, the clothing for around $.50 each piece and bananas for $.50. By American standards these prices are really good but consider that the average household here makes probably between $30-$100/month and it changes everything. Most people probably pay between $10-$40/month for rent for their one or two room apartment. If you are making $50/month, one pair of shoes for $7.50 is really expensive and children’s clothing at $.50 apiece is by no means a bargain. Please also take into consideration how quickly children grow. Given the high cost of school fees and cost of the uniform, it is not surprising then that children may go without shoes to school or only have 2 or 3 outfits. You can see how foods like bread, butter and sugar quickly become luxury items. Other locally grown foods are also extremely expensive given the income levels of the people.

I’ll be the first to admit that I often times look at children without shoes or socks for school or clean clothes and wonder why their parents can’t provide these things for them. But when I take a minute to think about Abdul’s mom who works 6 days a week, over 10 hour days and makes less than $50/month, I understand why Abdul didn’t have shoes for school. It makes me terribly sad to think of a little 5-year-old boy walking over a mile to school everyday in bare feet (one pair of shoes was for him). I truly cannot imagine how difficult it must be for parents in these situations. I have never experienced anything close to this in my life. I try to be careful with how much money I spend and go without things I don’t need (although ‘need’ is a very relative word) but I have never been in the position where bread, soap, butter or sugar were luxury items. Can you imagine bringing soap, toothpaste, salt and sugar as Christmas gifts for somebody? These are the very items we gave to people in our community for Christmas and they were so incredibly grateful for the help. It is truly unbelievable.

What’s also incredible is that if you were to visit any of the people in my community, they would gladly share with you their food, tea, sugar and anything else they had. You would be welcome in their homes, regardless of what they had, and you would experience true joy. Abdul is a joyful child who is always smiling and he is one of the many blessings in my life. I believe that these people choose to be joyful and they choose to be grateful. I would guess that many of them have discovered something many Americans have missed – God is truly all we need and He absolutely provides for us all. Sugar or no sugar, bread or no bread, shoes or no shoes, God is it and He means more than salt, mangos, clean clothes and school shoes.

I suppose I should get off my soapbox now but I hope this provides a bit of insight into the lives of the people here. I pray that as you put sugar in your coffee, have toast and butter for breakfast and use soap to wash your clothes, you are reminded of the dear and wonderful people of Uganda.

That’s all for now.

Fasting Days 7 and 8

I should have posted this last Friday and apologize I didn’t make time for it. Wednesday morning I woke up and instantly thought, “I am sick of feeling hungry. I’m tired of this fast.” That was how I felt, I wanted it to be over. However, one of my dear friends had agreed to fast with me that day so I knew I wanted to continue and fast with her, even though we were 10,000 miles a part. The day ended up being awesome and I got an amazing email from my dear friend sharing with me how her day was. I’m grateful for her and I’m grateful that God has blessed me with the best friends in the entire world. What a blessing to share that experience with an amazing, Godly woman?!

Thursday I woke up and instantly thanked God for the week. While I was very ready to go back to my regular eating schedule, I loved that my priority for the week was time with God. I suppose one of the many things I learned was my life outside of fasting doesn’t always put time with God at the center. I always try to make decisions that honor God and always try to put service to Him first but I don’t put spending time with Him first and that needs to change. If I compare this to my relationships with one of my friends, I think that while they would appreciate that I was trying to honor them and serve them, I know that above all they would just want to spend time with me. They would want to talk with me, and they would want to hear what is one my heart. I picture it as if I am running around trying to do 100 things at once while God is just asking me to come sit on the couch to talk for a bit. If I think about it like that then I need to make a few changes in how I spend my time. I need to spend more time in conversation with God and more time in His Word and less time moving around, giving myself lists and lists of things that need to be done. I know that serving God and kids are wonderful and truly pleasing to God but they can’t take over to the point where I am not spending quality time with God.

I’m not sure when I’ll do another week long fast but I will definitely make fasting a bigger part of my life. I read Isaiah 58 and wonder why it took me this long to fast in the first place.

Fasting Days 5 and 6

When I first had the idea to blog about the week long fast I thought it would be great and somewhat easy. I thought I would have all these profound, spiritual things to say. As it turns out, I don’t have much to say (and we all know that doesn’t happen often). God hasn’t opened the skies in Uganda and spoken to me. He hasn’t given me dreams about my future or told me pick up and leave. He has spoken to me as He always had, through His Word and other people. My prayer time has been really good but nothing out of the ordinary, just great, quality time in conversation with Jesus.

I will admit that each day (days 5 and 6) I ended up having something to eat with tea in the morning. I’m not sure why and I’m not sure if it changes anything or means anything that I did. I still managed to have really good time with God and still managed to feel hungry for several hours during the day. I thought about not including this in the blog and let people think I was able to go the entire week with only tea, water and dinner but I don’t think there is any reason to withhold it. Maybe somebody will judge me, be disappointed in me or feel like I didn’t truly fast for the week but oh well; I suppose I’m willing to risk it.

More to come – who knows, maybe the skies will open up :)

Fasting Day 4 (Happy Independence Day!)

I had every intention of updating my blog yesterday with day 2 and 3 of fasting but I didn’t manage my time very well and traffic out of Kampala was a disaster.

Day 4 was good and surprisingly easy in terms of not feeling completely distracted by hunger. I went to Kampala for church and spent several hours after in amazing, encouraging conversation with my dear friend afterwards (that is were poor time management came in). By the time I got back home it was time for a wedding meeting for one of our friends (I'll explain that more later) and then time for dinner with Ivan. All in all it was a great Sunday.

As the days go on I continue to learn more about fasting and what it is truly like to deprive myself of food for the sake of my relationship with God and precious time with Him. I suppose one thing I am sad to realize is that fasting doesn’t automatically mean more time in prayer or more time with God. The same distractions that keep me from focused, heartfelt prayer and time with God are still there and it is just as easy to go about my day separated from God. It makes me sad and frustrated. I am 100% confident that the Enemy uses any distractions possible to keep us from quality prayer time with God. As the days continue I am going to be more aware of the distractions that could potentially rob me of time in prayer and I will take more charge of not letting the Enemy get his way. And as an extra precautionary measure I will cut back on the black tea.

More to come….

Fasting Day 3

I have learned that fasting is manageable if 1) you keep food out of sight or 2) you keep yourself moving around and distracted. Today was difficult and I wanted to cheat so badly. I suppose I could have had a slice of bread or soda and I am sure God wouldn’t have struck me down dead but I know I would have been upset with myself (a bit of pride stopped me as well). This morning I had 3 kids come over to help me clean, hang out and do a few things around my room. I served them tea and bread both before and after and it was so hard. I joined them for tea but giving them bread with butter made me feel like I was giving them grilled salmon and asparagus or ice cream or chocolate, it was really that tempting. After we had a great morning, I took them to the beach to play and enjoy time away from the school. Again, I struggled as I got them sodas and french fries. It was around 3 pm and I could have easily devoured the entire plate of fries in 30 seconds flat, honestly I felt like I hadn’t eaten in years. But overall the day was great. Not only did I get good quality time with a few kids, I got good quality time with God. I actually feel like this is somehow fun, maybe because it is my first time and it seems both like a challenge and adventure. I also think I am enjoying it because all of my friends in Nkumba are doing it too and I usually prefer doing things with others. It also makes it harder to cheat – accountability is a powerful tool.

Fasting Day 2

So, day 2 of fasting was good. I don’t have much of an update other than I have learned 2 things that I want to share. First, taking 5 cups of black tea before 2 pm tends to pump so much caffeine into your body that it makes it hard to concentrate and pray. I came home from work around 3 pm on Friday to spend some time reading the Bible and praying. Of course I made some tea to help keep my mind off my very hungry stomach. As I was trying to read and pray I started to feel a bit jittery and all of a sudden my mind was racing and 10 different things where going through my head. I was trying to read the Bible but I was getting distracted by the things I wanted to buy at the market, wondering if the bank system was up and running so I could withdraw money, back to reading, then trying to focus on praying, but immediately forgetting what I was praying about and then back to making a list of what I wanted to buy – all in about 10 minutes. I had so much caffeine in my body I physically couldn’t sit still.

Second, I didn’t so much learn as observed how fatigued I got around 5 pm, it was as though I had run a marathon. I got to Ivan’s around 7 pm after the market and felt like I could barely stand up. I wasn’t trying to be dramatic but literally collapsed on the sofa. It makes sense when you think about it but I suppose I wasn’t expecting to feel so exhausted and weak. It was as though all the energy had been sapped from my body. The truth is that feeling that tired gave me something else to pray about – strength and endurance. It became very apparent to me that without God, not only is there no reason to fast (that would just be called starvation and no fun at all) but there is also no possible way to fast. I need Him to get through this week.

So far so good, as difficult as this is I am truly enjoying it.

Fasting Day 1

The day isn't over yet, it is only 4 pm but I am at the internet cafe and felt like it was a good time to give an update. The best part is I only have another 3-4 hours before dinner. I'm a bit spoiled because I'm having dinner tonight with Aunt Rose and her food is so wonderful, it will be like a reward for making it through my first day.

The hardest point was definitely from 11-1 pm, I was so hungry and found myself looking forward to lunch only to realize I wouldn't be able to eat it. I think I'll have a new appreciation for beans and rice when this is over :) I know fasting isn't so much about food and I hope at some point I can get my mind off of it but right now, I think about it a lot. It makes me realize how much we take food for granted in America - probably something else I should fast about :)

My time with God today has been good and I am truly looking forward to the next several days.

More updates to come -

Yet Another New Experience

I’m sorry I haven’t updated my blog lately; I suppose I haven’t been sure what to write about. Things here in Uganda are good but feel pretty ‘ordinary’ if that is possible. It may also be that I’ve been a bit lazy when it comes to taking the time to sit down and write something that anybody would want to read.

However, as I was emailing a friend I got an idea of something I want to share. Our church has challenged us with a weeklong fast and it starts today. At first I loved the idea and didn’t seem to think about how hard it will be. Then, I remembered the one other time I fasted. It was only for one day and I spent the entire workday thinking of how hungry I was. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the point. But as I got to talking to a few friends the other day about why they fast and how they actually fast for 7 days without dying, I began to think about it a bit more. My friends said they fast for a 12 or 16-hour period during the day and eat one meal at night. Then they shared Isaiah 58 with me about why we fast, and it began to make more sense. As we talked about how different people fast, whether it is one meal and two snacks, liquids only, nothing at all, I wanted to go back to the reason of the fast because the purpose is certainly not to starve ourselves. Isaiah 58 is amazing and I love what it has to say. The entire chapter is good but a few verses stuck out to me:

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness [a] will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Tomorrow is the first day of the fast and I have decided to only take water or tea during the day and then eat one meal at night when I get home from work. I think most of the people here don’t take any water during the day but I’m terrified of getting a bladder inflection (sorry if that was too much information) and am pretty sure dehydration is the cause (but of course I may have made that up).

I am going to journal about my experience and try to update my blog each day about the fast. I decided to pick one thing to focus on each day to help me stay on track because I can get distracted all too easily. For tomorrow I have decided to focus on my role in Uganda and how I can serve God more.

It is going to be quite the experience but one I am looking forward to in a weird way. I excited for the time I will get to spend with God. I am confident that I will learn something from this, and I think it will be more than how much I love food. Being in Uganda is amazing but extremely difficult at times and I feel like 7 days of committed time with God is going to be a wonderful thing for me.

Stay tuned for more updates.

Accept Your Identity as a Child of God

I feel like you learn a lot about yourself and your faith in God when you go on an adventure such as this. How you deal with difficulties, fears, anxieties and loneliness in the absence of your community and family is revealed. How you view yourself and your trust in God is suddenly out in the open and you must face it. Do you choose to grow in your faith and turn to God with all that you have or do you retreat? I came on this adventure knowing that I would come to times when all I had was God and I knew that despite how hard that may be, it would be an important time of growth and fellowship with our Provider, Protector, Father, Daddy and Maker. A reoccurring theme through all of this that I have been reading about and praying about is how I view myself in God’s eyes. Do I understand my value to God and do I find freedom in the love God has for me?

For the past year I have been reading through an amazing book by Henri J. M. Nouwen called “The Inner Voice of Love – A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.” It is a compilation of his journal during an extremely difficult time in his life. The journal entries where written by him for him, what he calls “spiritual imperatives.” I typically connect with each entry that I read but the journal entry I read this morning seemed to speak to me more than others. I feel like all of us at sometime in our life struggle with our true identity in God and to read something such as this is a great reminder of who we are and who we were created to be. I hope you find it as encouraging as I did (emphasis is mine).

“Your true identity is as a child of God. This is the identity you have to accept. Once you have claimed it and settled in it, you can live in a world that gives you much joy as well as pain. You can receive the praise as well as the blame that comes to you as an opportunity or strengthening your basic identity, because the identity that makes you free is anchored beyond all human praise and blame. You belong to God, and it is as a child of God that you are sent into the world.

You need spiritual guidance; you need people who can keep you anchored in your true identity. The temptation to disconnect from that deep place in you where God dwells and to let yourself be drowned in the praise or blame of the world always remains.

Since that deep place in you where your identity as a child of God is rooted has been unknown to you for a long time, those who were able to touch you there had a sudden and often overwhelming power over you. They became part of your identity. You could no longer live without them. But they could not fulfill that divine role, so they left you, and you felt abandoned. But it is precisely that experience of abandonment that called you back to your true identity as a child of God.

Only God can fully dwell in that deepest place in you and give you a sense of safety. But the danger remains that you will let other people run away with your sacred center, thus throwing you into anguish.

It might take a great deal of time and discipline to fully reconnect your deep, hidden self and your pubic self, which is known, loved, and accepted but also criticized by the world. Gradually, though, you will begin feeling more connected and become more fully who you truly are – a child of God. There lies your real freedom.”

As I read this entry my first reaction was to think about my life and how I view myself. But after awhile I began to think about others and the people I love and the kids I work with here in Uganda. I thought to myself, “they need to know this, every person needs to know that they belong to God and are His child.” How different would our world be if more of us truly believed we were children of God? As I type I feel like shouting it from the mountain tops, “Do you know how loved you are? Do you know how cherished and valued you are to God? You are His precious child.” Then it comes back to me, do I truly believe this and can I genuinely share this with others if I don’t?

Something to continue to pray and meditate upon in months ahead.

Are We Ready?

When I think about meeting Jesus I think about it terms of when I go to Heaven and meet Him there. I rarely think about Him coming here. In fact I think I’ve only thought about Jesus’ return to earth a few times, but I was reading Mark a few days ago and came across Jesus’ words in Mark 13: 32–36:

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son but only the father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away. He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task and tells the one at the door to keep watch. Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back – whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he come suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’”

This makes me think. This makes me think about how we spend our time and money. Do we spend our time and money wisely? Do we spend it in a way that would make our Father smile? Do we spend our time and money in selfish ways? Are we spending our time with the poor, lonely, sick and orphaned?

If we are not spending our time or money in a way that brings glory or honor to God, it surely isn’t due of lack of direction; it is purely on our own selfish ambition. The bible is extremely clear on what we are to do with our time and money. It is stated over and over:

James 1:26-27 “if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself religion and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Leviticus 25: 35 “If one of your countrymen becomes poor and is unable to support himself among you, help him….”

Luke 12:33-34 “Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heave that will not be exhausted where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Romans 12:13, 15 “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

2 Corinthians 8: 13-15 “Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: ‘He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.’”

I could give hundreds of more examples of how we are to live our lives, but the main question is: Are we living in a matter that Jesus would applaud? Or are we living in a matter that Jesus would condemn? Do we put off service for another time or do we serve everyday, all day? What would Jesus see us doing if He came back right this minute? Would you be proud of what He saw or would you be embarrassed?

I suppose many of these are rhetorical questions. The answer is that we are absolutely not living in equality and we are not living in a way in which we would want Jesus to see us. I can say this because it is true. The fact that many people in America and other parts of the world have more than one house or upwards of 4, 5 and 6 cars while others don’t have water, shoes or food proves my point that we are not living in equality. And to be honest, I can’t actually think of a viable reason why this is ok. There is absolutely no excuse or reason that can convince me that the inequality we live with in this world is justified. I think Jesus would be appalled at the way we are living.

Maybe some people would just say that this is the way the world is and that is that. Well, that is crazy. We have all the control in the world to change this. We may not be able to change it on a global level, but on a personal level we are in complete control. The choice is ours: $200 dinners for ourselves or education for 200 children in the Sudan, our new $40 pair of shoes (and let’s be honest that is one the low end) or 40 pairs of shoes for kids in Kenya, $500 water filters for our houses or safe, clean drinking water for a village of 500 people in Indonesia? The choice is entirely ours.

On a non-tangible level, are we rejoicing with those that rejoice? Are we mourning with those that mourn? Or are we too wrapped up in our own lives that we haven’t even noticed those around us that are rejoicing or mourning? Do we sit with those who are full of sorrow or go to the mall? Are we crying with our friends who cry or meeting somebody out for drinks after work? Are celebrating our family and loved ones or celebrating ourselves?

Nkumba is not a perfect place by any means but it is the place where I have seen the gospel lived out the most. People who have very little share with those who have nothing, and they trust that Jesus will provide. People here come along the side of the sick, take care of their children and visit them at the hospitals. People here drive their neighbors to clinics and help pay for medical bills when their kids come down with Malaria. My friends here give up buying new clothes for themselves to buy clothes and shoes for the kids. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a lot to learn from these people. The truth is that I have a ton to learn. I am not sure I entirely know how to live a life of equality but I pray that I never lose sight of the importance of this and what the bible calls us to do. I know that I don’t always spend my time in a way that is pleasing to Jesus and I’d be embarrassed if He came back to see that. I pray that each day I am here I learn a bit more about serving the poor, the widow and love the sick. I think this is something we all need to learn more about.

But the question remains: Are we living in such a way that makes Jesus want to come back to this place?

Back in Uganda

I’ve been back in Uganda for a week now and wanted to post a quick update. I arrived last Friday and was greeted by two of my dear friends, Julius and Daniel. Despite a small breakdown in the Toronto airport (note to self to never fly through there again), the trip back was easy and restful.

From the minute I stepped back into Pastor’s house Friday night, it felt like I had never left. Everything was great and easy. On Saturday I stopped by the school and was overwhelmed by the warm greeting from all the kids. I definitely missed the kids when I was gone but really underestimated how wonderful it would be to see them. As I took my time to hug each one I was reminded of how truly blessed I am by these children. The truth is that the little I am able to give these children is a fraction of what they give to me. And for that I am blessed.

This entire week was absolutely wonderful. I spent almost all day everyday with the kids. I arrived at school around 8 am each day and left around 7 pm or 8 pm each night, and had I not been so exhausted I would have probably stayed a bit longer. Since school is on break right now for a few weeks there are few kids that have remained. While I miss the other kids dearly, it is nice to be able to spend quality time with the ones that are still around. This week I tried to provide a bit of structure to the kid’s day and do a few things that would help them in school. I wasn’t sure how flashcards and books would go over but they turned out to be a huge success. It is amazing to see how excited the kids are to read books, practice their math and words and color. I am reminded of how we take advantage of so many things in the US. I don’t think you could find a group of 20 kids anywhere in the US that would be occupied for hours and hours with a few flashcards, a few coloring books, crayons and books.

I think the most amazing thing that has happened this week is that through reading books with the kids, several kids that I was not close with before I left, now won’t leave my side. I was here for over four months before I went home and now in one week I have become close with kids I really never knew before. God is so good. I love that in one week I have developed new relationships with kids, and been able to spend hours upon hours listening to them read, watch them color beautiful pictures and practice their math. I’ve watched as their eyes light up when they get a word right or are praised for a job well done with reading or coloring or speaking English so well. What a blessing to be able to spend my entire day loving on children?! What a blessing to be able to spend my entire day hugging my kids?! What a blessing to be able to spend my entire day encouraging kids as they read and sound out words and add six plus five?! On Thursday morning I had coffee with a friend of mine and didn’t get to the school until around 1 pm. As I was greeted by Marriet, one of my new friends, she told me she had been waiting for me all morning because she wanted to read books with me. How awesome is that?!

I will be honest in saying that I often times compare myself with others and have felt as though I wasn’t doing any good in Uganda because I wasn’t rescuing starving children or pulling people off the streets. But I think I’ve realized this week more than ever that hugging children that don’t have parents, reading books with kids that have never been read to before bed and telling kids that they are smart, beautiful and loved is equally important in God’s eyes. I don’t need to be pulling starving kids off the streets to serve God and I don’t need to go looking for ways to serve him. He has blessed me with dozens of children at my feet and there are endless ways to serve them. These children need to know how dearly loved they are by God. These children need to know that they are beautiful, intelligent and absolutely precious, and I consider myself blessed to be able to deliver that message.

Brussels Airport Again

I find myself once again updating my blog from the Brussels airport. I am on my way back to Uganda after having spent the past seven weeks at home, and I would be lying if I said it was easy to leave. Home was wonderful and thanks to the volcano I was able to spend an addition week at home where I truly did rest and relax (unlike the previous six weeks).

Leaving home was harder than I thought. I know that I love Uganda. I know that I want to go back. I know there is work to be done at Nkumba. All that said, home is a place of peace, rest, comfort and a place where I feel truly loved. I am not sure I ever truly knew how blessed I was by my incredible, loving, absolutely amazing family, friends and community in Chicago until I left on this journey. For that I am grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to see how blessed I am. I am grateful for all the people that speak words of love, affirmation, encouragement and truth to me. Leaving those people and my amazing community was not easy, but I know now more than ever that despite my location, my friends, family and community are 100% behind me on this adventure and will be waiting when I return. Thank you God for this. I do not deserve this; this is a gift from you.

Earlier today I was reading through Mark and a passage that I have read several times all of a sudden stood out to me. In Mark 1:16 – 20, Jesus calls his first disciples:

“As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. ‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will make you fishers of men.’ At once they left their nets and followed him. When he had gone a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John in a boat, preparing their nets. Without delay he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed him.”

I have read this passage before and have never spent more than a minute with it, but today it spoke to me in a different light. Simon, Andrew, James and John were all called by Jesus to follow him and all four dropped what they were doing and did exactly that – they followed him. They followed Jesus. Just like that, they dropped what they were doing to follow him. What they didn’t do was question Jesus; the exact thing I do everyday. They didn’t ask why. They didn’t ask Jesus what they would do for food. They didn’t ask Jesus where they were going or where they would stay. They didn’t hesitate. They left their family, their home and their jobs to follow Jesus.

How often I want these questions answered before I am willing to follow him. “Jesus I’ll go but I need to figure out housing first.” “Jesus I’ll go but I need to save a little more money first.” “Jesus I’ll follow you but I need to know where we are going first.” “Jesus I’ll follow you but I don’t think the timing is good right now, maybe in a little bit when I feel more comfortable.” I could go on with a laundry list of stipulations and concerns I feel I need to work out before I follow Jesus. But here we read about four men that just followed Him. And that is where I want to be. I want to follow Jesus despite having all my questions and concerns answered. I want to keep my eyes so focused on him that my love, trust and faith in him prevail.

I may have left my family and friends in Chicago and followed Jesus to Africa but would I follow him if he called me out of Uganda? What if he asked me to follow him to an unknown place in Uganda? What if he asks me to serve people I don’t know? Would I follow him if he led me to work in a community where I knew nobody? Would I choose to follow him despite the fear and worry I may feel? I want to say yes. I want to be able to say that I would follow Jesus like Simon, Andrew, James and John did, without any hesitation, but I am not sure I would. I pray that as I continue on this crazy journey called life that I would grow in my faith and devotion to Jesus, that I would trust in his goodness, love and faithfulness with all that I have and not rely on what I know to be true but on him alone. I pray that we all would reach this point. I pray that we would choose to follow Jesus everyday, everywhere despite our fears, anxieties and comforts.

Home.

Home is amazing.

I came back to Chicago four weeks ago with very little planned except visiting family and friends. I am not sure who I think am, but I half expected to be bored during this visit with a lot of time on my hands to read and relax. Clearly I need a reality check. With two weeks left of my trip, I feel like I am going to need a week to rest before heading back to Uganda. This trip has been absolutely amazing and the complete opposite of boring. In fact, I have been running around non-stop, from place to place and loving every minute of it.

The truth is that I have never felt so loved by family and friends in my entire life. I know you come to miss your friends and family when you spend time away from them and typically you get a deeper sense of appreciation for them when you spend months without them, but I could never have fathomed the feeling of being reunited with them. I know this – God is good and God is Love and I see and feel it every moment. I look around at these people who have such a deep and real love for me and I can barely grasp it, it is hard for me to understand their love. But then I think about how their love is a sliver, a tiny fraction of the love God has for each of us and I’m blown away and overwhelmed by the thought. I need to spend more time thinking and praying about that truth. I know our human minds will never be able to understand and comprehend the love our Father has for us, but there is power and freedom in mediating on that truth.

I may go back to Uganda a bit physically and mentally exhausted but I am going back emotionally and spiritually renewed. I have spent endless hours with genuine, loving, wise people over the past four weeks and have had some of the most powerful and amazing conversations of my life.

I leave for Arizona on Monday and am absolutely thrilled about visiting the friends and ministry partners down there. It is truly amazing to be in the company of people that have a similar vision and passion.

And with all that said, April 16^th will be a good day – the day when I am back with my kids and friends in Uganda. I miss them. I miss them all dearly and cannot wait to be covered in kids, several beautiful, laughing, joyful kids.

As I wrap up the entry I will leave you with a few prayer requests.

Please pray for Sharif. I have written about Sharif in previous entries. He is my dear boy who keeps running away from the school and going to Kampala. Please pray that Sharif would realize the love and care we all have for him at the school. Please pray that any anger or anxiety he feels would be lifted. Please pray that my role in his life would be made clear and that God would give me wisdom on how to work with Sharif during this hard time. I have never been a parent and I really do not know how to handle this situation.

Second, as time goes on and my life becomes more and more involved in Uganda, I will soon reach a point when I need to raise financial support to be able to continue living there. My savings is nearly depleted but I am not worried. I know God will provide. Please pray that I would have discernment over raising support and wisdom on how to spend the money entrusted to me.

Thirdly, please pray for our community. Please pray that we would be able to continue to meet the needs of our people, both physically and spiritually, we live near. Currently we have a large need to expand our church building. We have outgrown our church space and have nowhere to meet as a congregation. Please pray that the funds would come through for us to be able to double our space and bring in new people.

Lastly, please pray for Uganda as a whole. Please pray for the leaders in government, police, church leaders and people of influence. Please pray for their wisdom and guidance in leading the people of Uganda. Please pray that Uganda would be protected from violence and war and that God’s hand would be guiding us all.

Thank you all my dear friends and family.

God is Amazing!

I look back on my last post and cannot believe it has been over a month. I clearly need to update this more often. Over the last month I have thought of several things I would like to blog about, but the truth is that I am a bit intimidated to share. I cannot figure out if this is more of an update of what I am doing, my day-to-day living or if this is a space where I share my feelings, the hardships I am experiencing – more of an online journal. I have decided that I am going to put myself out there and share how I am really doing, what life has been like over the past month and trust that those of you that read this will not judge me, but rather pray for me.

February was extremely difficult. That is the truth. February was filled with a lot of tears, a lot of doubt and a lot of fear. However, at the same time God provided more than I could ever had imagined at that time. When I decided to come to Uganda last summer, I had two main objectives. First, it was my desire to draw closer to God, to come to depend on Him for everything, to find myself in a place where all I had was God. The second was to serve God by serving the kids in Uganda. Well, I got exactly what I wanted. I found myself in a place where all I had was my God and it was a crazy emotional experience of pure desperation and absolute peace that God was in control. For over three weeks I would wake up each morning and immediately be overwhelmed with intense feelings of anxiety and loneliness. I felt like running. I felt like crying. I felt like God had abandoned me. I felt like God had blessed me with everything I could have ever asked for and then suddenly was taking it all away. I felt foolish. I felt like I was being attacked. I was counting down the days until I went home. I had quickly fallen in love with Uganda and truly felt like it was were I wanted to be for a long time but now all I wanted to do was go back to Chicago. I had met the love of my life, the man I want to marry but now all I wanted was my family and friends at home. I looked around and felt incredibly scared.

In a moment of desperation I emailed a few of my friends and family, and it is amazing how God used them in that moment. My dear friend challenged me to surrender to God. To surrender everything I had to Him. She challenged me to surrender my dreams, my past, my future, my fears and just cling to Him. She told me to picture myself sitting on God’s lap, me crying while He rubs my back, whispering that everything would be ok. I kept that image in my head all day, I prayed my way through the anxiety. I kept reminding myself that how I feel is not always an indication of the truth. Anxiety and loneliness are not of God and I know (regardless of how I feel) that I am never truly alone. God promises us that He is forever by our side. I took each moment as it came.

One particular night I was really struggling. Everything in my body was telling me to go home, to cry, to go to sleep but I had Bible club with some of the girls in high school so I went and God showed up in huge ways. We spent a lot of time in prayer that night. I had shared on Luke 15, the parable of the lost sheep and our value in God’s eyes. It is ironic how what I was sharing with the girls was the very thing I needed to hear for myself. I prayed that I would physically feel God’s arms around me. I prayed that I would know and feel with my heart that I am deeply loved and cherished by God. As Bible club ended, I joined some of our girls in the dorm. As I was sitting on the floor with girls sitting next to me, one of the little girls, Fatuma, was lying on me, with her arms around me and in that moment I looked down at this precious 9 year old little girl and it was as though I was looking at Jesus. As I looked at Fatuma I saw Jesus and He was holding me. I looked at Fatuma and felt in my heart that God deeply loved me. He used this little girl to hold me and it was amazing. I have never experienced anything like that in my life and it was truly incredible. I am so grateful for Fatuma, my dear little girl who was used by our God to meet me in an incredibly difficult place.

God is so good. He opened my eyes to what is of Him and what is of the Enemy. I know that my instinct to keep all of this to myself and not share my struggles with those I love is garbage and pure nonsense from the Enemy. God wants us to pour out our struggles to Him and turn to our community for prayer and support.

I am now in the Brussels airport on my way home and cannot believe it is March 4^th already. God is amazing. I am in awe of His goodness. I am in awe of His love. I am in awe of His provision. I am in awe of His compassion.

Now, I am fully aware that this entry is getting a bit long but I have to share one more story. Last week on of the kids at our school, Sharif, ran away from the school and went to Kampala. Sharif is around ten years old and spent several years on the streets before being brought to our school late last year. I have developed a special bond with Sharif and was absolutely heart-broken when he left last week. However, it wasn’t the first time it had happened and I knew we couldn’t force him to come back so I had to trust that God was protecting him and would bring him back sometime. On Monday, about 4 days after Sharif left, I went to Kampala to visit with one of my friends who runs a program for street children. It is an amazing ministry and one I hope to get more involved with over the next coming months. When I showed up, I found my sweet, dear boy Sharif there. He had been on the streets for several days, was covered in dirt, had on no shoes and had clearly been doing drugs. He greeted me with a huge smile and quietly asked if I would take him back. My heart leapt for joy. I was so excited. We moved around the city getting him new school shoes (his were stolen) and getting dinner. The night was absolutely exhausting and as we headed home in a taxi (more like a city bus), Sharif collapsed on my lap and slept the entire 90-minute ride home. As I looked down on my sweet boy I was overcome with an intense feeling of peace and love. This is exactly where I want to be. As we pulled up to the school we found a few kids outside and as Roger (an incredible boy and Sharif’s friend), ran up to Sharif and gave him a huge bear hug, lifting him off the ground. I felt like I was witnessing my own version of the Return of the Prodigal Son. Sharif had run away. He had left all the good things of the school – food, shelter, love, and clothes and went to the streets to drugs, no food, nowhere to sleep and no one to care for him. But as he returned, it didn’t matter, our dear, sweet boy was back and it was time for rejoicing!

I still have feelings of anxiety and loneliness but I know that God is with me and Uganda is where He has me. I will go home to Chicago if it is God’s will but I will not go back because of fear or loneliness, that would be playing into the Enemy’s evil plan. I knew that if I showed up in Uganda, willing to serve God that He would use me and I still feel that way now. God is using me and despite the struggles, I am going to choose to seek Him with all I have and hold as many children as possible in the process.

International Shipping

Friends -

Here is more accurate information on shipping to Uganda. I would recommend the Priority mail Flat Rate Envelope (the first one) or the Small Flat Rate Box (second one).

Thanks so much!

Cara

http://www.usps.com/prices/priority-mail-international-prices.htm

Priority Mail Flat Rate International Options (Retail Prices)

	Canada / Mexico	All other countries	Size
Priority Mail Flat Rate Envelope* (up to 4 pounds)	$11.45	$13.45	12-1/2'' x 9-1/2''
Priority Mail Small Flat Rate Box* (up to 4 pounds)	$11.45	$13.45	8-5/8" x 5-3/8" x 1-5/8"
Priority Mail Regular Flat Rate Box (FRB-1) (up to 20 pounds)	$26.95	$43.45	11" x 8-1/2" x 5-1/2"
Priority Mail Regular Flat Rate Box (FRB-2) (up to 20 pounds)	$26.95	$43.45	13-5/8" x 11-7/8" x 3-3/8"
Priority Mail Large Flat Rate Box (up to 20 pounds)	$33.95	$55.95	12" x 12" x 5-1/2"

Overwhelmed

As I think about the past few weeks I cannot help but feel completely overwhelmed. God is so good. I know that God works for the good of His people. I know that God provides us with more blessings than we could ever ask for. I know God’s love for us surpasses all human understanding. I know God uses His people to do His work.

I know all of these things to be true, yet when so many blessings and answered prayers are fulfilled in a short time, I can’t help but think “Really?” I know God is capable of doing huge, amazing, wonderful things but it is hard to comprehend when everything seems to hit at once.

I suppose the craziness started with our annual pastor and leaders conference. For the third year, a team of 16 people from the U.S. came to Nkumba to lead over 1600 pastors, women, children, community leaders and businessmen in a weeklong conference. Nothing could prepare me for this conference. It was absolutely amazing. The team from the U.S. was incredible. I am having a hard time finding words to describe how I feel about these wonderful, Godly, genuine, authentic, AWESOME people. For five days the team taught on dozens of topics, prayed with hundreds of people and engaged in the lives of over 1600 people.

I think equally as important as the sessions the team led are the ways they connected and fulfilled prayers on a personal level for the people in our community. I saw the eyes light up in one of our kids as the team gave him a new shirt to replace the dirty, torn shirt he had been wearing for several days. I witnessed three little girls dance in joy as they were given beautiful new dresses from the team. I saw one of the team members carefully tend to a precious little girl with a horribly burned finger. I saw the love in the team member’s eyes as she scraped away the dirt and cleaned the wound of precious Sobla. Sobla is now one of my dear little friends who I visit everyday and do my best to care for her little finger as it heals. God used these incredible people to change the lives of hundreds in our community.

I have to share one other incredible story that took place during the conference. I have shared before about my dear friend Aunt Rose. Aunt Rose is an amazing, Godly woman that cares for over 7 children and truly trusts God with all that she has. Recently it has become my dream for Aunt Rose to finish her schooling in nursing. Currently Aunt Rose is a teacher at a nearby school but she shared with me a few months ago her passion for nursing and how she started the schooling but due to the cost of tuition, she was not able to complete the courses. I began to think how amazing it would be if Aunt Rose was able to finish her nursing courses and then become our school nurse. In a casual conversation with two of our guests from Arizona, I shared my dream for Aunt Rose (it was the first time I had talked about it). I promise you not twenty minutes later those same two people asked if they could pay for Aunt Rose’s tuition for nursing school!!! I almost feel out of my chair. God is so good. I am 100% confident that because of our guests and Aunt Rose, our world will forever be changed for the better and the angels in heaven are having a party over the faithfulness and generosity of our dear guests.

Since the conference I have received wonderful news that my dear friends in Chicago threw a party and raised $1000 for another party for our kids. God is so good. He continues to amaze me. Also, we received information about a doctor in Uganda that can perform a crucial surgery for one of our children.

I could write another several pages on the ways God has worked in our community this past month but I’ll leave those stories for another entry. I’ll leave you with a bit of information for those of you who are interested in sending care packages.

If you send packages, only send what can fit in a large padded envelope and declare the value is $10. You can get large international flat rate envelopes at the post office and can put all you can fit into them and sent to Africa for $18 (only send Airmail!!). You can send it to:

Cara Murray

P.O. Box 82

Entebbe, Uganda

Here are a few ideas of what to send: bandaids (all sizes are needed), coloring books, crayons, flashcards, nail polish (you can get it $1/bottle at Target), earrings (Forever 21 has 12 pair for $3.80, stud earrings only), nail clippers (seems odd but for hygiene reasons we cut nails often) Crystal Light/Propel packets to add to water (generic brand is perfect as well – I have found these helpful when kids need to take medicine), Uno cards, jump ropes and DVDs (used are great – Disney movies would be perfect or any kids movies).

Christmas In Uganda...

Was wonderful.

While it is hard being away from my family and friends, I feel extremely blessed to have shared Christmas with my friends and family here. We started the Christmas celebration last Sunday at church. The Sunday prior Pastor John has asked everybody to write down a person in the church who they thought deserved a gift for Christmas. He encouraged us to think of the people who go above and beyond in their service to others. This past Sunday we gave out gifts to over 20 people and it was amazing. As each person was called to the front, the entire church cheered and people hugged each other. The sense of family and community in this church is so strong. It is always a blessing to be in the presence of true, heartfelt joy and gratitude.

Then Wednesday we had the opportunity to hand out food to over 60 adults and 40 children in our community. We met in the church, Pastor shared the Word, we worshipped and then handed out the gifts. We were able to give out soap, rice, sugar, corn and salt. It was wonderful to be part of such a celebration. I was again amazed at people’s genuine gratitude and joy.

Christmas day was wonderful. Like Christmas in the US, the day began with church and was then followed by a big meal. However, unlike Christmas dinner in the US, we shared our meal with over 40 people, including 20 children. It was truly amazing. We brought van loads of kids from the orphanage to the house, the women that stay with the kids at the school came, friends from the community joined us and we all indulged ourselves in a fabulous meal. We were extremely blessed with support from several friends in the US and were able to buy all the food the kids love. There was no posho and beans. We ate matooke, 2 types of rice, potatoes, beef, chicken and chiapatti. To top it all off, we also served soda with the meal. One of my favorite parts of the day was when the kids were eating their meal. They all shared their food, giving their friends the food they didn’t want, trading matooke for rice and tasting each other’s sodas. It was truly a feast and one that I am sure made God smile.

The kids went back to the school for a day of movies and the rest of us relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company.

Like I have mentioned before, the way this community lives out the Gospel by serving each other and working together as the Church is truly amazing. They operate in true community and I absolutely love that I am able to be a part of it. I see the way this community operates and my heart aches for all church families to act the same way. I see God being glorified in their joyous, generous hearts and I am know that God is teaching me His ways through this community.

Christmas Means Freedom

My favorite author is Brennan Manning. There is no question about it. Each time I read his books I feel like it was written for me. Earlier this year the pastor of my church in Chicago recommended a Brennan Manning book called, “The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus.” I read it before I came to Uganda and am so glad I brought it with me. Out of my two bags and 100 pounds that I brought, all the Brennan Manning books made the cut. The last section of this book focuses on the significance of Christmas and what the birth of Christ means to us. In one of the last chapter called, “Christmas Means Freedom, “ Manning writes:

“The wailing Infant bears witness to a God whose Word is fresh and alive, who is not the defender of the old, the already-settled, the well-established and familiar. The God we encounter in Jesus is free from preoccupation with His own glory, free to be for us, free to be gracious, free to love and let be.

This Christmas such a God might well expect us to be creatively responsive and thus truly Christlike. Indeed, He might call us to set free captives bound by loneliness and isolation, to share our hope with prisoners of gloom and despair, to invite the unlovely to our table, to celebrate our freedom in forgetfulness about our comfort and convenience, to cry the Gospel by ministering to widows and orphans, to be the church by bringing soup to the poor, to ignore conventional expectations, to call His Son out of Egypt once more.”

I get the sense that we are on the verge of a major change in our Church. I have had several discussions with friends and family over the need to ‘think-outside-the-box’ and challenge the conventional ways of doing things. I think Christmas is the perfect time to start making those changes. I know many people take time to serve the poor and buy gifts for those in need during the holidays and I think that is great. However, with that said, those things are often times secondary to everything else we do for Christmas. They are secondary to gifts, grab bags, turkeys, holiday parties and cookies. I think this year we need to switch the order and make Christmas primarily about the exact things Jesus did while He was on Earth. He spent time with lepers, widows, the lonely, the children and the hopeless.

I wonder why more people don’t spend their Christmas doing these things. Are they worried they won’t get the new shoes they’ve been waiting for or new set of tools? Are they worried it won’t ‘feel like Christmas’? What would it be like to visit a nursing home on Christmas and decorate cookies with those that have no visitors? What would it be like to bring Christmas dinner to a family without food? What would it be like to walk the streets of Chicago and hand out gloves and hats to those living on the streets? I actually know the answers to these questions – it would be absolutely amazing. I think if people did it once they would never go back.

I pray that this Christmas we would look to Jesus first, focus on the freedom that comes with the naked, humble, vulnerable baby in the manger. Jesus wasn’t known for doing things the traditional way, so why should we?

Broken Hearted

It has been a long time since I last wrote. There are many things I want to share but I have failed to take the time to sit down and share them.

Before I moved to Uganda I read Richard Stearns book, “The Hole in Our Gospel” and absolutely loved it. Richard Stearns is the President of World Vision and in his book he shares countless stories of his encounters with the widows, orphans and poor from around the world. I could write several blog entries on this book as it is filled with great insight and amazing stories.

In the very beginning of his book, Stearns quotes a prayer from Bob Pierce, the founder of World Vision. It says, “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” As I have taken time over the past few weeks to think about this quote, I have realized the true weight and implication of it. While it absolutely terrifies me to think about having my heart broken, I think it is far worse not have my heart broken. I think one of the worse things that can happen to us is to become immune or desensitized by the atrocities in this world. I pray that I would never become desensitized to seeing children go several days without food. I pray that I would never become desensitized to seeing a 3-year old girl scream as her mom drops her off at the orphanage because she can no longer care for her. I pray that I would never become desensitized to child-led households. I pray that I would never become desensitized to hearing about polygamist fathers and their 5 wives and several children that they do not care for. I pray that I would never become desensitized to taking children to the clinic for malaria, typhoid and other diseases. I pray that I would never become desensitized to seeing kids have nowhere to go over the holidays because they have no parents or relatives. These things are the very things that break the heart of God and I think it is absolutely detrimental that we never get use to them. For when we get to use to them, we will stop acting and that cannot happen.

I am terrified to have my heart broken but I choose that over the alternative. I trust that when my heart is broken by what I see here, that God will mend it and will carry me. This is what needs to happen. God’s heart is broken over the 26,000 people that die every day of hunger or its related causes. God’s heart is broken over the 1 of 4 children in developing countries that are underweight. God’s heart is broken over the 854 million people that do not have enough food to sustain them. God’s heart is broken by the 2.6 billion people (40% of the world’s population) that live on less than $2 a day. God’s heart is broken over the 33 million people that are infected with HIV, 70% of them living in Africa. God’s heart is broken over the fact that in Africa, only 59 percent of children attend school and only one in three will complete primary school.

All of these people are children of God. They are all precious treasures in His eyes and I pray that I would see each person as He does. I pray that people all over the world would have their hearts broken over the things that break God’s heart. I pray that those people would trust God with their broken heart and take this Christmas season to reflect about what they can do to love and serve the widows, orphans, fatherless and poor.

Needing God's Wisdom

I’m sorry it has been awhile since I last wrote. This week was great and flew by just like the rest. I will say however, that the week started out on a difficult note and left me with a lot to think about.

Last Monday, Julius (my co-worker) and I took one of our kids to the clinic for a check-up. Derrick is 13 years old and is HIV positive. Upon arriving at the clinic we were met by his counselor who informed us that they would not be giving Derrick any more medication because he had refused to take the medication they had given him before. She went on to tell us that he has wasted hundreds of dollars in medication and that his grandmother refuses to allow him to take the medication they give him. After going to his grandmother’s house to ask about the medication, we learned that she does in fact refuse to let him take his medicine because she is scared of the side affects and thinks that medicine with side affects cannot be good for Derrick. We went back to the clinic and after a few more hours, discovered that the situation is extremely complicated and frustrating. Derrick has told several counselors at the clinic stories about not being fed, not having money for school fees and other nonsense. Derrick is sponsored by the school and has plenty to eat. In fact he gets a special diet and takes food home with him. At the end of the day the details of the lies don’t matter, it only matters that a 13-year-old boy who is sick with HIV is so messed up that he is lying to the only people trying to help him. Julius and I left extremely frustrated with the situation. It makes me sad and angry. I am sad that we live in such a broken world, and I am angry that I don’t know what to do. We can’t ignore Derrick, we can’t leave him to be on his own, but at the same time how do you help somebody who leads you in circles with lies and inaccurate information?

This is just one story but there are many more. The kids here are broken. It is really hard not to get mad at Derrick and say that we won’t spend out time on such kids, but the truth of the matter is that Derrick is one of God’s children and grace says that while he doesn’t deserve our help and love, we will provide it to him regardless. Derrick needs love and I pray and trust that God would give me wisdom on how to love Derrick.