Here's the Deal...

Disclaimer – this is raw, not well written and super honest. It doesn’t paint the prettiest picture of my life but it’s the truth.

Ok, here’s the deal: I do not like blogging. I want to like it, I want to be good at it but honestly, it feels like homework and the actual practice of sitting down and writing a blog stresses me out. I want to blog more often and keep people informed about my life in Uganda (although that feels like I am being a bit self-important), however, it always comes down to what to write. I feel like blogging is somehow like Facebook, there is this tendency to only post the positive things and not always the entire truth. I’m not saying that we should be posting our innermost struggles on Facebook but it feels artificial sometimes. It is my tendency to blog about the good things that are going on and even in the tough times how God is providing and comforting me, and all that is true. But that is not the entire picture and while I’m not sure this is the right forum to discuss the other stuff that isn’t so fun, I feel a responsibility to give a fuller picture on this blog. And since this is my blog, I guess I can write whatever I wish.

I knew moving to Uganda by myself, being the only white person in the village would be difficult. I expected to struggle with loneliness and frustration and cultural differences but I guess I had an inflated view of myself and in my ability to handle the issues. I say this because so far, they have been far more difficult than I ever imagined. I also knew that I wanted to come to a place where all I truly wanted was Jesus. And while I knew that place would be a place of hardship, I never imagined it would take coming to a place of crappy, lonely, crazy tough situations where I don’t know which way is up and I feel like I am having a crisis of faith several times a day to truly only want Jesus. I guess it makes sense when you think about it. When else would you only want Jesus? If things are good, if they are great, if they are even just ok, I don’t think we’re at a place of only wanting Jesus. We may want him, but not only him because I imagine in those situations we have other good things as well. I guess the key to only wanting Jesus results in desperation. And that my friends, is where I am (FYI – word grammar program just told me that is a fragment and not a sentence but writing is not my spiritual gift so I am going to leave it. Sorry to those who are bothered by poor grammar). I’m not trying to get you to feel sorry for me or say “woe is me,” I am merely trying to be honest because I have read far too many blogs written by people in similar situations as me and they seem to have lives of great joy and fruit (in the spiritual sense) and it makes me feel crazy. It makes me wonder if I am doing this all wrong to be experiencing this level of struggle or possibly they are also dealing with it but choosing not to write about it, which is entirely their right.

Moving on in the spirit of honesty and vulnerability, I guess I’ll include a few updates of what is going on over here with my life. I just returned from a short visit to the US to see friends and family, and I can positively say that if it weren’t for these amazing people, I would have lost my mind a long time ago. They are wonderful and I am missing them in big ways right now. But now that I am back I have a few things on my plate. First of all I am on a mission to move out of my current apartment. I have spent the last 14 months living in Nkumba, very close to the school and church. However, it is time to move on and that makes me super sad and scared. I know it is necessary to leave but it doesn’t make it easy. I have spent a year getting to know the kids and people in this community and moving on to another place does not seem like fun. With that, I am also walking away from the ministry here in Nkumba. For reasons that I will not mention, I will no longer be working with the school or church. Again, it is necessary but I do not like it. With that said, I did find a new apartment on Saturday and it is exactly what I need but it still feels scary. Moving is never easy and even if you move 15 minutes away, it can feel like hundreds of miles because of all the new faces and new places. And I’m scared of being lonely (in all honesty). My current neighbors are awesome. However, it is a huge blessing to have found a place so quickly, so I will thank God for his provision.

Through all of this I have experienced wonderful gifts of God and met several of His precious, loving children but I have also seen the other side. It makes me incredibly sad to see the brokenness of people, the pride of people and the sin that surrounds all of us, but when things get this tough I think we get to the exact place where God wants us: where we desire only Him. The next step after desiring Him is to depend on Him and trust 100% in Him. My dear friend has this statement on her Facebook, “I want to be in situations where only Jesus can get me out of because I followed Him there.” I love that, it true but from my experience those situations are not the easy places and I am not sure I have the courage to follow Him to those places – one of those things that is easier said than done. They are the places where I doubt God, where I don’t feel like I can trust anybody and where I find myself in a place with absolutely zero idea of what to do.

With all of that said, do I have good days here? Absolutely. Do I have days where I can really sense God’s presence? Yes. Do I have hard days where I am comforted by knowing that God is in control? Certainly. Do I have days when I feel like this is where I am supposed to be and this is where God wants me? Yes. However, I also have days when I question if I made a huge mistake in coming here. I have days and moments when I question if God loves me and is going to coming to my aide (ok, this is me being so vulnerable right now). I have days when I don’t know what to do or how to serve the people that surround me. But in all of that and through all the frustration and tears I try to turn to God and His Word because, after all, that is all I have, whether I feel it or not.

So, there is it. An honest view from a girl who truly desires to love God with all her strength, mind, heart and soul and a girl who wants to be who God created her to be but is just having a hard time getting there.

So Thankful

‎"If the only prayer you say in your entire life is "thank you," 
that will suffice." Meister Eckhardt

Precious Father, thank you for the love of my dear family and friends. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to comprehend how or why they love me like they do but I will be forever grateful. It is through them that I learn how to love others better. I know they are a gift from you.

Thank you for the challenges I’ve faces this past year that have brought me closer to you. It is often that I turn to you during difficult times and I have seen you show up in amazing, loving ways.

Lord, thank you for all the new experiences and places you have led me in Uganda. You have led me to Nkumba, Entebbe, Katakwi, Kisii (in Kenya) and countless other villages where I have met your precious children.

Thank you for the people in my life that are difficult for it is through them I learn to truly love and turn to you. Your word says to love your enemies, to pray for them and to ask you to bless them and without those people I would not experience your blessing in doing so. I feel like it is during difficult times and through difficult people that we are stretched and grow in our relationship with you.

Lord, thank you for By the Hand Club for Kids. The staff and children of By the Hands are absolutely wonderful. I feel so blessed to have spent so much time and energy with such an awesome, Christ-centered organization. The kids and staff have brought me closer in my relationship with you and for that I am thankful.

Thank you for River City Community Church. This is my church home. I absolutely adore this place and wish I could bring it with me to Uganda. The teaching and people are stellar and a rare gift. I pray that you would lead me to such a place in Uganda.

Thank you for the love of the Ugandan people. Over the past year I have met countless Ugandans that have opened their arms and hearts to me and through them I have seen you.

Lord thank you for Facebook and cell phones.

Thank you for the community in Arizona that has embraced me as their own, as one they have known for years.

Jesus, thank you for Gift, Sarah, Amuge, Sobla, Peter, Kizza, Josie, Yvette, Sharif, Lillian, Marriet, Phionah, Shilom, Hope, Sam, Andrew, Josephine, Winnie, Fatuma, Akim, Peanut and all the other hundreds of children that I absolutely adore in Uganda.

Lastly Lord, thank you for being a God that loves His people. I have been overwhelmed lately with all the suffering going on in the world. In the past week 3 Chicago police officers have been killed. It hurts to watch as their families grieve. I met with one of the girls I used to work with in Cabrini Green and my heart aches for her and misses her dearly. She is going through a difficult time and my heart is heavy for her. I am thankful for knowing that you are all they need. Even if I could be in multiple places at the same time I know I have nothing to offer compared to your healing love. You provide more comfort and peace and love than I ever could. Thank you.

God is All I Want

I’ve come to a place where all I want is God. I want to be so in love Christ that everything in me wants to shout it from the mountaintops. I want to love Him so much that I am not able to keep it in. I want to be so filled with Christ that it seeps out of me. I want a faith that is unshakable. I want to be filled with His presence at all times. I want to follow Jesus everywhere and anywhere. I want to love people like Christ loved people. I want to see people with His eyes. I want to depend on Him for everything. I want Christ in me, working through me to reach people, to love people.

That is what I want. That is my Christmas wish list.

But I am not there, so I am going to pray and read His Word until that happens.

Lots to Share

But not a lot of time to do so. I could easily write 5 posts on the last month but do not have the time right now. However, I wanted to post a quick update on what has been going on.

3 weeks ago a team of 6 people arrived from Arizona and Australia. The purpose of the trip was to visit the ministries where Remember the Poor is partnered and discuss next steps and how we partner with the team visiting. In the last 3 weeks I have been to Gulu, Katakwi, Jinja and Kenya. I kid you not, we have see so much and spend a crazy number of hours in the car. The entire time with the team was awesome. We saw so much, learned even more and developed great friendships. I'll write more on that later.

Also, as this is all going on, it is becoming more clear that my life in Uganda will be changing. I don't know what that all means yet but I know it means a shift in my role with ministry and it means moving out of Nkumba.

I have so much more I want to share but less than an hour before I am back running around so I need to go but stay tuned for more.

My Heart Has Been Captured

By a little boy named Andrew. He is wonderful and I love him. A lot.

I clearly remember the first time I read about Andrew. Cindy had sent out a blog entry on him. I don’t remember the details other than I felt her love and desire to see this child flourish as I read her post. Shortly after she sent the blog, I went to Uganda for a visit (little did I know that visit would result in a rather severe move and career change for me but I suppose that is for another blog entry).

I remember walking up to Andrew’s house. Nothing could prepare me for his condition. I was hesitant to greet him and I remember trying to act casual and easy as I walked up to him but inside I was terrified. He wasn’t a huge fan of me at first but seemed to be excited about the car we had driven, turns out ‘motorcar’ is similar enough to understand. Andrew was seated outside on a mat. He was half clothed and unable to move towards us. His head was very large, his legs were really little and he had limited use of his arms. I had never seen anything like it before. He spoke well and was clearly excited to see Seggy (again, not a fan of me – I tried not to take it personally). At the time we weren’t 100% sure of his condition but it was later confirmed that he suffers from Hydrocephalus.

My interaction at that time was limited but when I moved to Uganda in October 2009 I knew I needed to follow up on Andrew. Over the course of several months and many trips to different clinics, we discovered that Andrew was in fact healthy. There is no way to reverse the hydrocephalus or reduce the size of his head but we were encouraged by the doctors to focus on improving his quality of life. On a trip to Mbale, several hours outside of Kampala, we visited a children’s hospital that concentrates on neurological issues, including hydrocephalus. One of the doctors showed us a CT scan of a ‘normal’ human brain and then the CT scan from Andrew. The comparison was unbelievable. The CT scan of a ‘normal’ healthy brain showed large amounts of gray or brain matter with little parts of black or water around the brain. Andrew’s CT scan showed almost all black, meaning his head was primarily full of water and only a small amount of gray along the outside. The doctor was so surprised to see how little brain matter Andrew had and how high functioning he was. It was at that moment we learned to appreciate how healthy and able Andrew was. Up until that point we had focused on all the things he was unable to do. Andrew is unable to walk, has limited use of his right hand and unable to move around independently but as the doctor pointed out, he is able to talk, he is able to joke around and laugh, he is able to count to 10 in English and able to feed himself. After that appointment the doctor sent us away with the advice that we focus on helping Andrew become as independent as possible and encouraged us to get him intense physical and occupational therapy. I left Mbale extremely grateful and in awe of God’s goodness. It was truly a moment of looking at the glass half-full instead of half-empty. Despite it being a long journey and somewhat hard on Andrew, he was a trooper and absolutely loved each minute of the car ride. As we pulled up to his house after a 6-hour car ride home he announced that he didn’t want to go home, he wanted to continue driving around. We all laughed. It was a great ending to the trip.

I will say however that during the trip I had times of great frustration with Andrew. He is 8 years old and has several mannerisms of a 4 year old. He whines when he wants something and cries when you make him do something he doesn’t want. And his mother allows it. There were several points when I wanted to intervene but something told me showing Mama Andrew how to parent would not be all that loving. I prayed for patience and a solution.

A few weeks after our return I was talking with Seggy and we remembered that another clinic for physically disabled children had a residential program. After a bit of discussion and a trip to Katelemwa, the clinic, we decided to have Andrew join the residential program with a caretaker for a month to see how he would do with daily therapy and a bit of time away from home. When Andrew is at home he spends all day sitting on a mat outside. His mother has 3 other children and given Andrew’s size, taking him to church and other places is extremely difficult. Not only was the therapy a bit part of the reason to take him, I knew time in another environment with other children and loving caretakers would be so good for his development. Secretly I also hoped he would learn to stop whining and crying so much but that was the not-so-patient Cara thinking.

Andrew has now been at Katelemwa for one month and I am happy to report he is thriving. The first week was extremely difficult, both physically and emotionally for him but he is doing so well now. The second week he was there I went to visit and it was at that point that something changed. I have always loved his child, but during that visit Andrew and I connected in a really special way. I can only say that God was at work b/c it was not by Andrew or my doing. He spent much of the first week whining and crying but after a few discussions, he has made great strides. He is now laughing with all the nurses and staff and has even told them to ‘watch out during therapy because he can kick.’ I’m not saying that threatening to do physical harm is funny but in this situation it is funny b/c not only can Andrew not kick (his legs are still too weak), he is showing love for his helpers.

Earlier this week I went to visit Andrew and as I walked in he shouted “Muzungu!” (word for white person in Luganda). I responded with “Ani?” (who?) and he screamed “Auntie Caro!” I brought him some new toys and he repeatedly thanked me in English. We spent time doing exercised and laughed and clapped, which is great fun since he is gaining use of his right hand. He rubs my arm when I come, he touches my hair and we spend time laughing. He spends most of the time talking to me in Luganda and while I don’t understand anything he says, he doesn’t seem to mind and the other kids in the room laugh. Within the first few minutes of seeing him he’ll ask for money, tell me wants to eat rice and asks if we are leaving b/c he wants to go in the car and something that use to bother me now makes me smile with joy.

While he isn’t able to walk yet or move around independently, he is getting here and most importantly he seems really happy. I’m not sure how much longer he will stay as the caretaker has literally put her life on hold but I pray we can keep him there for at least another month. I ask that you pray for this situation as well. If we do have to take him back home we’ll find a solution and I imagine I’ll be taking him a few days a week to a local clinic for therapy but it would be my desire to see him stay at Katelemwa for a bit longer.

The pictures below show Andrew trying to get dressed, moving himself in his wheelchair and clapping. Enjoy!

Leopard PJs

Here are the promised pictures of Gift in her fabulous leopard pajamas. These pictures were taken Friday morning and as you can see, she is sporting amazing bed-head :)

Love you all,

Cara

Gift is Back!

It's true! Yesterday I ran home to go to the bathroom and do some dishes. I left the door to my room open and as I am in the bathroom I hear a knock on the door (to the bathroom). I think to myself, "You've got to be kidding. Which of the 10 crazy neighborhood kids have walked into my house and are trying to get into the bathroom?"

Oh no, as I open the door I see Gift and her brother Roger. Honestly, I was so shocked and excited. It felt so great to hug them both. So the short story is that the aunt they were staying with came to the school for their tuition. However, when you enroll kids in a new school there is an upfront registration fee that can be pretty expensive. Also, since we only have a few months left in this school year (school operates on a calendar year here), we decided to have them stay here for the rest of the year and over the next school break, we'll figure out a long term solution for them.

At first Pastor suggested Roger stay here as a boarding student and Gift return with the aunt to Kampala and attend a local school, but first of all, I think they need to be together at the same school and second, I was not ready to say goodbye again. So, they are both here and I couldn't be more excited. They are both staying with me for the moment although Roger may shift to the boarding section.

They weren't here for more than an hour when Gift told me she was going to do the dishes and clean the bathroom that night. I told her no, she needed to get ready for school and she told me, "We are here to work...and go to school." I told her that was not the case and school was first priority and we'd clean later. So, I need to go pick up a few of her favorite cleaning supplies (toilet bowl cleaner - I know, it's so weird) and a stock the house full of cookies for my kids.

I'll keep you all posted but had to let you know of the great news. Oh, one more thing: Gift was given this one piece leopard print thing that is long sleeved and goes past her knees. I think it was a dance outfit in a previous lifetime but now it is Gift's pajamas. I'm serious - I'll post a picture soon. She sleeps in a spectacular one piece leopard print outfit every night and among many other things, it makes me laugh. Love her!

Quick Update

Warning - this update is poorly written and may not even be worth sharing. I am a bit tired and the last several weeks have been difficult. However, I beat malaria and that feels good :)

I have been meaning to write an update for several weeks now (I think I start too many of my updates with that) and am sorry for the delay.

As you can see from the previous two entries, I have been blessed by the work we are doing in Katakwi and had an absolutely wonderful time on our last trip. However, many other things have been going on here in Nkumba since mid-July. I won’t go into too many details but will give you an overview of what life has been like these past 5/6 weeks.

The end of July was a fun and crazy time. The kids went on holiday from school and with that 2 of my favorite girls (yes, I have favorites) moved in with me. Sarah and Gift have been close to my heart since I first visited Nkumba last June and since the woman they had been staying with had gone back to school full time, I decided to have them move in with me. And with that life changed dramatically. My current apartment (if you can call it that) is one room with a bathroom. It is probably the size of small to mid-size bedroom in America so you can imagine how things changed when 2 girls moved in. I bought an extra mattress, the girls moved in with all their clothes and stuff and we had a party. Honestly, it was quite the experience. I think the girls were used to getting up around 5:30 am and for those of you who know me, that is about one hour before I am capable of opening my eyes. So each morning, Sarah would jump out of bed and start washing something. I would literally have to ask her to stop washing the floor or the dishes and tell her to get back into bed. Gift took pride in cleaning the bathroom and thought it was pure joy to clean the toilet everyday and I’m not exaggerating. Since I didn’t have the heart to tell her the toilet didn’t need to be cleaned everyday, we went through at least 2 containers of toilet bowl cleaner a week. I really never thought I would have to ask a child to stop cleaning so much but with Gift and Sarah it was a daily occurrence. At one point Gift was upset with Sarah because Sarah washed the clothes 2 days in a row and she wanted to do it by herself. I promise you I was not telling these girls to wash their clothes everyday and do so much cleaning, but I think they were having fun. Also, with Gift and Sarah came other girls as well. Since it was the holidays, a few of their friends would usually show up around 7:30 am ready to play. I was lucky if I was out of my pjs at that time but given my lovely Ugandan daughters had been up since 6 am, they were ready to go. For several weeks my house was filled with children. The came in, they played, they ate, cleaned, colored and left until the following day when we did it all over again. The few weeks they stayed with me were filled with a lot of laughing and joy. I wish I had written down other stories b/c there were so many funny things that happened while they were with me.

However, soon after the girls moved in we discovered that the place they had been staying was not a safe environment for kids. The 2 girls and 4 other children had been staying with a woman near the school and through a number of conversations we found out that the kids were not being given the best care. I absolutely loved having the girls stay at my place but I am not their mom and living with me was not a permanent situation. Once we the reality of the situation, we decided to remove all the children from the house and reunite them with their parents. Sarah went with her dad for the remainder of the holiday and will probably attend a different school soon. Gift and her brother, Roger, went with a friend of their mother’s for the holiday and will begin a new school this week. This was all played out over the course of 3-4 weeks and as you can imagine, left me extremely sad. I know it was the right decision to reunite the kids with their parents but I did not want them to leave and am still sad about it now.

I think that is the biggest update I have to share now. But I will add that when I first decided to move here and work in Nkumba I remember thinking the work I was set up to do would most likely change once I got here. There is very little one can do to prepare to live and work in Africa. You can come with one idea and very quickly be doing something completely different. And this has remained true. I came 10 months ago with a certain idea of what I would do but I can honestly say that everything is changing. I am not sure what the future holds but I am certain of God’s word and that is why I came in the first place. God clearly tells us to serve and love others. Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor and to care for the orphans, widows and the poor so that is what I will do. I am not sure in what capacity this will happen but I know I need to stay focused on what God calls us all to do.

I am taking the month of September to pray about what God has next for me and will keep you all updated.

More on the Awesomeness of God and His People

I am in love with the people of Apelleun and Alelesi. I have been home for a few days now and keep thinking about the time I spent with the people there. For several days I spent time with people who have endured extreme hardship for their entire lives yet they continue to press on and rise above all of that. These people have spent upwards of 30 years in IDP camps living in fear, knowing their homes and crops no longer exist. A few years ago the area experienced severe flooding that ruined all their crops and last fall there was a horrific famine that took the lives of many. However, many are starting to return to their land, they are trying to rebuild their homes and plant crops. They may have no shoes or money or lack the basic necessities most of us take for granted but they do not lack courage or strength.

I have seen great change in these villages in the 3 months since I have been visiting them. They have come together. They have elected borehole committees, identified leaders in their communities and worked together to improve their lives. The location of the borehole in Apelleun is on the property of an older gentleman. He has sacrificed his land for his community and made the announcement on Tuesday that he would clear more and for a church for the community. I don’t think we realize how generous this is. This man has very little; the only thing he really has is his land. The people depend on their land for food and possibly to generate a bit of income for their family and this man has sacrificed what he has for his community.

In Alelesi a retired teacher was digging a pit latrine for his family when he came across water. Up until they received their borehole, the entire community used this water. He is in the process of building a big home (by their standards) and told us he plans to use it for protection for the entire community should they face problems. He gave his land for the construction of a pit latrine for the community and now spends all his time improving the lives of the people in his community.

I feel so blessed to be able to know such people but it makes me sad that I know so few people like this. Whether or not they know it, these people are living Biblical lives. They are sharing what they have with others, they are persevering through the difficult times and they are working hard to improve their lives and the lives of those around them.

With all that said, I will say that it is extremely difficult for me to spend time with people who truly lack the basic necessities. At our training on Monday in Apelleun, out of 70 people, I saw 4 or 5 people wearing shoes. That is not an exaggeration. I saw little kids feet split open and covered in sores from walking without protection. The results from Amuge’s tests revealed that he is HIV negative and that the only thing he needs is food. Amuge is severly malnourished and I hate that. I hate that we can’t ask other people in the community to help out because most of the children are malnourished and need more food. I hate that Hellen wasn’t able to go to the hospital for her follow-up appointment because they didn’t have money for the transportation or medical bills. Can you imagine what would happen to this little girl had she not come to the training on Monday? She would continue to grow and I assume experience a lot of pain as the skin on her arm would not grow with her. To keep Amuge busy during the training, I took out a pen and paper. I am not exaggerating when I say that he had no idea how to hold a pen and was shocked when it made marks on the paper. I almost cried.

2 Corinthians 8:13-15 states:

“Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written, ‘He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.’”

I have the Life Application Study Bible and it says that Paul wrote this letter to the church of Corinth and Christians everywhere. While we rarely see this lived out in our society and in this world, it absolutely should not be like this. This letter was written for us. This is the Word of God and it applies just as much today as it did when it was written. This means that Amuge should have a pair of shoes and plenty of food to eat. Equality does not mean that some people get to have 2, 3 or 4 homes while others go without a roof over their head. Equality does not mean that some people get to travel the world and stay in the nicest hotels while others have to walk over 3 miles to get water. Equality is not children in some parts of the world owning 20 pairs of shoes while others walk miles to school in bare feet. Equality is Biblical and as it states in 2 Corinthians, it requires some people giving to others in their excess. And the truth is that there is true joy in this. It may not be easy to give up what we have for the sake of others but it is always worth it. I can’t imagine somebody giving up their weekly manicure appointment for the sake of children eating or going to school and later regretting it. I am 100% confident it would be worth it. I don’t think it would cause too much pain to buy generic brands over expensive brands so somebody can sleep under a mosquito net or own a pair shoes. God rewards those who obey Him, while they may not be earthly rewards or rewards we’ll see in this lifetime, it is His promise and His people are worth it. Every person on this planet that goes a night without food is worth it. Each child that goes to bed hungry or goes to bed with Malaria is worth it. The 26,000 children that die everyday due to hunger or a preventable disease is worth it.

It makes me furious to think of the inequality in this world but for now I am going to pray about it and focus on the joy of the people in Apelleun and Alelesi. They are wonderful people and I cannot wait to go back. In fact, I hope to go back within the next month. It isn’t a cheap trip but it is worth every shilling in my mind. I’m not sure what I will do when I go back but I’m sure it will be wonderful. And maybe next time I’ll be able to bring Amuge back with me :)

Love in Every Language

God is Love. Ateso is a language I didn’t know existed until May. Yesterday over 90 people received the Word of God in Ateso. That is love in every language. Hallelujah!!!

Today is my third day in Katakwi (although this won’t be posted until I have returned back to Entebbe – no internet out here) and I feel like I have so much I want to share but am not sure I’ll be able to express it in words so please forgive me if this is poorly written and way too long.

Last night when I spoke with Ivan on the phone I told him it had been one of my favorite days since I’ve been in Uganda and I wasn’t kidding.

Seggy and I came back to the Katakwi area on Sunday night to meet with the two villages that recently received boreholes. We hired the Dept. of Water and Sanitation of Katakwi to put on training for each village and we both wanted to join the training and visit with the people. We thought it was extremely important to give the people training on the importance of clean water and how to keep the borehole water safe. The training also included sanitation and borehole maintenance. In addition, we had previously arranged to bring brand new jerry cans for transporting water and Bibles in the local language.

On Monday we started out the day with the Word before we went into the training. I spent 20 minutes sharing with the community and really wanted to stress that the Word of God was far more valuable than the water we brought. I wanted them to know that we didn’t do anything other than pray and obey God. The truth is that without God, we would have never found the tiny, remote village and the community that was in desperate need of water. As I shared from Luke 15, the parable of the lost sheep the community cheered and clapped as I told them how precious they are to God. I told them that we had brought Bibles in their language and that they would be available for purchase the next day. Also – let me back up for a minute. On our drive to Katakwi, Seggy and I discussed our concern for each village since neither seemed to have a church. We talked about getting more information when we met with the church leaders. Monday was a huge success and the training was extremely well received.

I tell you all this as background so you will understand why yesterday was so great. Tuesday as we drove up to the training location we were greeted by over 100 people cheering and hollering. I stepped out of the car and immediately hugged two of the cutest old ladies I have ever seen. I couldn’t understand what they were saying but it was clear by the look in their eyes that they were extremely grateful. As we all sat down, one of the community members opened up the day by saying that the very land we were sitting on would soon be turned into a church. The community had met after we left the day before and decided that they needed a church. I couldn’t believe it. It was as though they knew what I had been thinking. God answered our prayers and I felt this huge sense of joy and peace and gratefulness and excitement. I know that water is important but I wanted so badly for these people to have a place to learn about God and worship Him. I wanted to jump for joy as I listened to them. I am almost positive that before this Apelleun didn’t have a church nearby. I think a priest from a neighboring village would come by sometimes to hold mass for them but that was all.

Seggy then shared the Word with them and we finished the training. The Secretary of the Borehole Committee had a list of all the people who had paid for the jerry cans and Bibles so we handed them all over to him and watched as people received their new gifts. While we donated the Bibles and jerry cans, each person paid a small amount for each item. We think it is important to give them a sense of ownership over their new things. In addition, the community will use the money as they see fit, whether it is for farming tools or supplies to build a pit latrine. As people were given their new Bibles, they cheered, they danced, they waved their hands in the air and I felt overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness to be able to witness the wonderful event. I know that the 90 Bibles will do far more than any amount of water. You need to know that some of these people have probably wanted a Bible for years but due to the high cost and difficulty finding one in their local language, they have been unable to get one. I wish I had a video recorder and could share with you all what I saw.

On top of all that I need to tell you about the two little kids I fell in love with (I’m sure this is not a surprise to anybody). In May when I came to this village I took a picture of a little boy and when I saw him I could tell he wasn’t healthy. I went back, posted my pictures on Facebook and my dear friend, Cindy May, immediately emailed me about him. She asked us to follow-up with him the next time we returned so that is what we did. On Monday he was not at the training but we showed his picture to a few people and they made sure he was there on Tuesday. He looked just as I had remembered, only a bit cleaner. He was absolutely terrified of me at first but with a few cookies and the fun of my camera, we were best friends within minutes. He proceeded to follow me around the entire day and I told Seggy I wanted to adopt him (and I’m not kidding). He is an orphan that has lost both of his parents to AIDS and is currently staying with his aunt. He is probably 5 years old and has the cutest smile in the entire world. Check out his many pictures on Facebook – his name is Amuge. Before we left on Tuesday we made arrangements for his aunt and him to meet us in town at the clinic for testing. I almost cried when I had to say good-bye to him Tuesday afternoon.

The other little child that captured my heart was Hellen. I noticed Hellen on Monday within 10 minutes of arriving at the training. She is 4 ½ years old and has severe scarring on her right arm from a burn. The reason I noticed her was because the burn covered her elbow and the skin above the elbow and below the elbow wasn’t stretching enough for her to straighten her arm. I told Seggy we needed to do something (in my mind I wanted to take her back with me to Entebbe but he wasn’t as quick to agree). Again, we made plans for her mom and her to go to a hospital a few hours away for medical review and asked that they let us know what the doctor said. We will work out a deal with them to help pay for her future medical bills.

This may not sound like an amazing day but that is because writing is not my strong point. My pictures on Facebook may do it more justice but you need to believe me when I say it was truly an amazing day. I was able to witness the joy of people as they received Bibles. I saw people rejoicing and laughing. This community has been oppressed and living in camps for the last 30 years because of violence. They are trying to return to their homes and land but it is not easy. They have endured severe flooding a few years ago that ruined their crops and then a horrible famine last fall that killed many people. To know all that and then see their joy and love for each other was a gift from God. We brought water and through God, these people are forever changed. Over 90 people have Bibles and they are starting a church. The village of Apelleun will never be the same. God is so good.

A Day in the Market

I’m confident that most people, like me, are victims to the Target syndrome, the syndrome where you walk into Target with a list of 3 things and walk out having spent $150 or worse. Of course all the things you buy are somehow justified and at the time you were pretty sure you ‘needed’ them. It turns out I have found my Target here in Uganda. It looks a bit different and is really more of a collision of a Target and Goodwill, but nonetheless Target Syndrome kicks in.

Markets are very common in Uganda and each Friday our village has their market. It is a place where you can find food, light bulbs, extension cords, shoe polish, soap, hair extensions (something I am not tempted to buy), radios, fabric, new shoes, secondhand shoes, new clothes, secondhand clothes, bras, bags, bread, mangos, on and on and on. I love market days and look forward to them each Friday.

A few Fridays ago I found myself having experienced the Target Syndrome. Honestly, I went to the market with a list. I needed 4 items: light bulbs, a pad lock, 1 pair of shoes for a student and flooring for my room. I walked out with the following:

Flooring for my room

A pad lock

2 pairs of shoes for 2 different students

2 kilos of sugar

4 plastic cups

A loaf of bread

A slip or petticoat as they call them here

21 pieces of clothing for kids (secondhand) – that is always the kicker, I can’t help myself. I love love love buying kids clothes.

Bananas

The reason I bring this up is because as I was spending money like it grew on trees, I thought it may be interesting to share with you the cost of things here in Uganda and provide a bit of insight to how things are not that cheap here, especially when given the monthly income of most people.

I bought 2 pairs of secondhand shoes for students at the school, one pair for $7.50 and the other pair for $12.50. Shoes for $7.50 isn’t so bad until you figure the same pair of shoes would cost around $3 at Goodwill in America. I bought 2 kilos of sugar for $1.25 each. The bread was $1.20, the clothing for around $.50 each piece and bananas for $.50. By American standards these prices are really good but consider that the average household here makes probably between $30-$100/month and it changes everything. Most people probably pay between $10-$40/month for rent for their one or two room apartment. If you are making $50/month, one pair of shoes for $7.50 is really expensive and children’s clothing at $.50 apiece is by no means a bargain. Please also take into consideration how quickly children grow. Given the high cost of school fees and cost of the uniform, it is not surprising then that children may go without shoes to school or only have 2 or 3 outfits. You can see how foods like bread, butter and sugar quickly become luxury items. Other locally grown foods are also extremely expensive given the income levels of the people.

I’ll be the first to admit that I often times look at children without shoes or socks for school or clean clothes and wonder why their parents can’t provide these things for them. But when I take a minute to think about Abdul’s mom who works 6 days a week, over 10 hour days and makes less than $50/month, I understand why Abdul didn’t have shoes for school. It makes me terribly sad to think of a little 5-year-old boy walking over a mile to school everyday in bare feet (one pair of shoes was for him). I truly cannot imagine how difficult it must be for parents in these situations. I have never experienced anything close to this in my life. I try to be careful with how much money I spend and go without things I don’t need (although ‘need’ is a very relative word) but I have never been in the position where bread, soap, butter or sugar were luxury items. Can you imagine bringing soap, toothpaste, salt and sugar as Christmas gifts for somebody? These are the very items we gave to people in our community for Christmas and they were so incredibly grateful for the help. It is truly unbelievable.

What’s also incredible is that if you were to visit any of the people in my community, they would gladly share with you their food, tea, sugar and anything else they had. You would be welcome in their homes, regardless of what they had, and you would experience true joy. Abdul is a joyful child who is always smiling and he is one of the many blessings in my life. I believe that these people choose to be joyful and they choose to be grateful. I would guess that many of them have discovered something many Americans have missed – God is truly all we need and He absolutely provides for us all. Sugar or no sugar, bread or no bread, shoes or no shoes, God is it and He means more than salt, mangos, clean clothes and school shoes.

I suppose I should get off my soapbox now but I hope this provides a bit of insight into the lives of the people here. I pray that as you put sugar in your coffee, have toast and butter for breakfast and use soap to wash your clothes, you are reminded of the dear and wonderful people of Uganda.

That’s all for now.

Fasting Days 7 and 8

I should have posted this last Friday and apologize I didn’t make time for it. Wednesday morning I woke up and instantly thought, “I am sick of feeling hungry. I’m tired of this fast.” That was how I felt, I wanted it to be over. However, one of my dear friends had agreed to fast with me that day so I knew I wanted to continue and fast with her, even though we were 10,000 miles a part. The day ended up being awesome and I got an amazing email from my dear friend sharing with me how her day was. I’m grateful for her and I’m grateful that God has blessed me with the best friends in the entire world. What a blessing to share that experience with an amazing, Godly woman?!

Thursday I woke up and instantly thanked God for the week. While I was very ready to go back to my regular eating schedule, I loved that my priority for the week was time with God. I suppose one of the many things I learned was my life outside of fasting doesn’t always put time with God at the center. I always try to make decisions that honor God and always try to put service to Him first but I don’t put spending time with Him first and that needs to change. If I compare this to my relationships with one of my friends, I think that while they would appreciate that I was trying to honor them and serve them, I know that above all they would just want to spend time with me. They would want to talk with me, and they would want to hear what is one my heart. I picture it as if I am running around trying to do 100 things at once while God is just asking me to come sit on the couch to talk for a bit. If I think about it like that then I need to make a few changes in how I spend my time. I need to spend more time in conversation with God and more time in His Word and less time moving around, giving myself lists and lists of things that need to be done. I know that serving God and kids are wonderful and truly pleasing to God but they can’t take over to the point where I am not spending quality time with God.

I’m not sure when I’ll do another week long fast but I will definitely make fasting a bigger part of my life. I read Isaiah 58 and wonder why it took me this long to fast in the first place.

Fasting Days 5 and 6

When I first had the idea to blog about the week long fast I thought it would be great and somewhat easy. I thought I would have all these profound, spiritual things to say. As it turns out, I don’t have much to say (and we all know that doesn’t happen often). God hasn’t opened the skies in Uganda and spoken to me. He hasn’t given me dreams about my future or told me pick up and leave. He has spoken to me as He always had, through His Word and other people. My prayer time has been really good but nothing out of the ordinary, just great, quality time in conversation with Jesus.

I will admit that each day (days 5 and 6) I ended up having something to eat with tea in the morning. I’m not sure why and I’m not sure if it changes anything or means anything that I did. I still managed to have really good time with God and still managed to feel hungry for several hours during the day. I thought about not including this in the blog and let people think I was able to go the entire week with only tea, water and dinner but I don’t think there is any reason to withhold it. Maybe somebody will judge me, be disappointed in me or feel like I didn’t truly fast for the week but oh well; I suppose I’m willing to risk it.

More to come – who knows, maybe the skies will open up :)

Fasting Day 4 (Happy Independence Day!)

I had every intention of updating my blog yesterday with day 2 and 3 of fasting but I didn’t manage my time very well and traffic out of Kampala was a disaster.

Day 4 was good and surprisingly easy in terms of not feeling completely distracted by hunger. I went to Kampala for church and spent several hours after in amazing, encouraging conversation with my dear friend afterwards (that is were poor time management came in). By the time I got back home it was time for a wedding meeting for one of our friends (I'll explain that more later) and then time for dinner with Ivan. All in all it was a great Sunday.

As the days go on I continue to learn more about fasting and what it is truly like to deprive myself of food for the sake of my relationship with God and precious time with Him. I suppose one thing I am sad to realize is that fasting doesn’t automatically mean more time in prayer or more time with God. The same distractions that keep me from focused, heartfelt prayer and time with God are still there and it is just as easy to go about my day separated from God. It makes me sad and frustrated. I am 100% confident that the Enemy uses any distractions possible to keep us from quality prayer time with God. As the days continue I am going to be more aware of the distractions that could potentially rob me of time in prayer and I will take more charge of not letting the Enemy get his way. And as an extra precautionary measure I will cut back on the black tea.

More to come….

Fasting Day 3

I have learned that fasting is manageable if 1) you keep food out of sight or 2) you keep yourself moving around and distracted. Today was difficult and I wanted to cheat so badly. I suppose I could have had a slice of bread or soda and I am sure God wouldn’t have struck me down dead but I know I would have been upset with myself (a bit of pride stopped me as well). This morning I had 3 kids come over to help me clean, hang out and do a few things around my room. I served them tea and bread both before and after and it was so hard. I joined them for tea but giving them bread with butter made me feel like I was giving them grilled salmon and asparagus or ice cream or chocolate, it was really that tempting. After we had a great morning, I took them to the beach to play and enjoy time away from the school. Again, I struggled as I got them sodas and french fries. It was around 3 pm and I could have easily devoured the entire plate of fries in 30 seconds flat, honestly I felt like I hadn’t eaten in years. But overall the day was great. Not only did I get good quality time with a few kids, I got good quality time with God. I actually feel like this is somehow fun, maybe because it is my first time and it seems both like a challenge and adventure. I also think I am enjoying it because all of my friends in Nkumba are doing it too and I usually prefer doing things with others. It also makes it harder to cheat – accountability is a powerful tool.

Fasting Day 2

So, day 2 of fasting was good. I don’t have much of an update other than I have learned 2 things that I want to share. First, taking 5 cups of black tea before 2 pm tends to pump so much caffeine into your body that it makes it hard to concentrate and pray. I came home from work around 3 pm on Friday to spend some time reading the Bible and praying. Of course I made some tea to help keep my mind off my very hungry stomach. As I was trying to read and pray I started to feel a bit jittery and all of a sudden my mind was racing and 10 different things where going through my head. I was trying to read the Bible but I was getting distracted by the things I wanted to buy at the market, wondering if the bank system was up and running so I could withdraw money, back to reading, then trying to focus on praying, but immediately forgetting what I was praying about and then back to making a list of what I wanted to buy – all in about 10 minutes. I had so much caffeine in my body I physically couldn’t sit still.

Second, I didn’t so much learn as observed how fatigued I got around 5 pm, it was as though I had run a marathon. I got to Ivan’s around 7 pm after the market and felt like I could barely stand up. I wasn’t trying to be dramatic but literally collapsed on the sofa. It makes sense when you think about it but I suppose I wasn’t expecting to feel so exhausted and weak. It was as though all the energy had been sapped from my body. The truth is that feeling that tired gave me something else to pray about – strength and endurance. It became very apparent to me that without God, not only is there no reason to fast (that would just be called starvation and no fun at all) but there is also no possible way to fast. I need Him to get through this week.

So far so good, as difficult as this is I am truly enjoying it.

Fasting Day 1

The day isn't over yet, it is only 4 pm but I am at the internet cafe and felt like it was a good time to give an update. The best part is I only have another 3-4 hours before dinner. I'm a bit spoiled because I'm having dinner tonight with Aunt Rose and her food is so wonderful, it will be like a reward for making it through my first day.

The hardest point was definitely from 11-1 pm, I was so hungry and found myself looking forward to lunch only to realize I wouldn't be able to eat it. I think I'll have a new appreciation for beans and rice when this is over :) I know fasting isn't so much about food and I hope at some point I can get my mind off of it but right now, I think about it a lot. It makes me realize how much we take food for granted in America - probably something else I should fast about :)

My time with God today has been good and I am truly looking forward to the next several days.

More updates to come -

Yet Another New Experience

I’m sorry I haven’t updated my blog lately; I suppose I haven’t been sure what to write about. Things here in Uganda are good but feel pretty ‘ordinary’ if that is possible. It may also be that I’ve been a bit lazy when it comes to taking the time to sit down and write something that anybody would want to read.

However, as I was emailing a friend I got an idea of something I want to share. Our church has challenged us with a weeklong fast and it starts today. At first I loved the idea and didn’t seem to think about how hard it will be. Then, I remembered the one other time I fasted. It was only for one day and I spent the entire workday thinking of how hungry I was. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the point. But as I got to talking to a few friends the other day about why they fast and how they actually fast for 7 days without dying, I began to think about it a bit more. My friends said they fast for a 12 or 16-hour period during the day and eat one meal at night. Then they shared Isaiah 58 with me about why we fast, and it began to make more sense. As we talked about how different people fast, whether it is one meal and two snacks, liquids only, nothing at all, I wanted to go back to the reason of the fast because the purpose is certainly not to starve ourselves. Isaiah 58 is amazing and I love what it has to say. The entire chapter is good but a few verses stuck out to me:

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness [a] will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Tomorrow is the first day of the fast and I have decided to only take water or tea during the day and then eat one meal at night when I get home from work. I think most of the people here don’t take any water during the day but I’m terrified of getting a bladder inflection (sorry if that was too much information) and am pretty sure dehydration is the cause (but of course I may have made that up).

I am going to journal about my experience and try to update my blog each day about the fast. I decided to pick one thing to focus on each day to help me stay on track because I can get distracted all too easily. For tomorrow I have decided to focus on my role in Uganda and how I can serve God more.

It is going to be quite the experience but one I am looking forward to in a weird way. I excited for the time I will get to spend with God. I am confident that I will learn something from this, and I think it will be more than how much I love food. Being in Uganda is amazing but extremely difficult at times and I feel like 7 days of committed time with God is going to be a wonderful thing for me.

Stay tuned for more updates.

Accept Your Identity as a Child of God

I feel like you learn a lot about yourself and your faith in God when you go on an adventure such as this. How you deal with difficulties, fears, anxieties and loneliness in the absence of your community and family is revealed. How you view yourself and your trust in God is suddenly out in the open and you must face it. Do you choose to grow in your faith and turn to God with all that you have or do you retreat? I came on this adventure knowing that I would come to times when all I had was God and I knew that despite how hard that may be, it would be an important time of growth and fellowship with our Provider, Protector, Father, Daddy and Maker. A reoccurring theme through all of this that I have been reading about and praying about is how I view myself in God’s eyes. Do I understand my value to God and do I find freedom in the love God has for me?

For the past year I have been reading through an amazing book by Henri J. M. Nouwen called “The Inner Voice of Love – A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.” It is a compilation of his journal during an extremely difficult time in his life. The journal entries where written by him for him, what he calls “spiritual imperatives.” I typically connect with each entry that I read but the journal entry I read this morning seemed to speak to me more than others. I feel like all of us at sometime in our life struggle with our true identity in God and to read something such as this is a great reminder of who we are and who we were created to be. I hope you find it as encouraging as I did (emphasis is mine).

“Your true identity is as a child of God. This is the identity you have to accept. Once you have claimed it and settled in it, you can live in a world that gives you much joy as well as pain. You can receive the praise as well as the blame that comes to you as an opportunity or strengthening your basic identity, because the identity that makes you free is anchored beyond all human praise and blame. You belong to God, and it is as a child of God that you are sent into the world.

You need spiritual guidance; you need people who can keep you anchored in your true identity. The temptation to disconnect from that deep place in you where God dwells and to let yourself be drowned in the praise or blame of the world always remains.

Since that deep place in you where your identity as a child of God is rooted has been unknown to you for a long time, those who were able to touch you there had a sudden and often overwhelming power over you. They became part of your identity. You could no longer live without them. But they could not fulfill that divine role, so they left you, and you felt abandoned. But it is precisely that experience of abandonment that called you back to your true identity as a child of God.

Only God can fully dwell in that deepest place in you and give you a sense of safety. But the danger remains that you will let other people run away with your sacred center, thus throwing you into anguish.

It might take a great deal of time and discipline to fully reconnect your deep, hidden self and your pubic self, which is known, loved, and accepted but also criticized by the world. Gradually, though, you will begin feeling more connected and become more fully who you truly are – a child of God. There lies your real freedom.”

As I read this entry my first reaction was to think about my life and how I view myself. But after awhile I began to think about others and the people I love and the kids I work with here in Uganda. I thought to myself, “they need to know this, every person needs to know that they belong to God and are His child.” How different would our world be if more of us truly believed we were children of God? As I type I feel like shouting it from the mountain tops, “Do you know how loved you are? Do you know how cherished and valued you are to God? You are His precious child.” Then it comes back to me, do I truly believe this and can I genuinely share this with others if I don’t?

Something to continue to pray and meditate upon in months ahead.