Accept Your Identity as a Child of God

I feel like you learn a lot about yourself and your faith in God when you go on an adventure such as this. How you deal with difficulties, fears, anxieties and loneliness in the absence of your community and family is revealed. How you view yourself and your trust in God is suddenly out in the open and you must face it. Do you choose to grow in your faith and turn to God with all that you have or do you retreat? I came on this adventure knowing that I would come to times when all I had was God and I knew that despite how hard that may be, it would be an important time of growth and fellowship with our Provider, Protector, Father, Daddy and Maker. A reoccurring theme through all of this that I have been reading about and praying about is how I view myself in God’s eyes. Do I understand my value to God and do I find freedom in the love God has for me?

For the past year I have been reading through an amazing book by Henri J. M. Nouwen called “The Inner Voice of Love – A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.” It is a compilation of his journal during an extremely difficult time in his life. The journal entries where written by him for him, what he calls “spiritual imperatives.” I typically connect with each entry that I read but the journal entry I read this morning seemed to speak to me more than others. I feel like all of us at sometime in our life struggle with our true identity in God and to read something such as this is a great reminder of who we are and who we were created to be. I hope you find it as encouraging as I did (emphasis is mine).

“Your true identity is as a child of God. This is the identity you have to accept. Once you have claimed it and settled in it, you can live in a world that gives you much joy as well as pain. You can receive the praise as well as the blame that comes to you as an opportunity or strengthening your basic identity, because the identity that makes you free is anchored beyond all human praise and blame. You belong to God, and it is as a child of God that you are sent into the world.

You need spiritual guidance; you need people who can keep you anchored in your true identity. The temptation to disconnect from that deep place in you where God dwells and to let yourself be drowned in the praise or blame of the world always remains.

Since that deep place in you where your identity as a child of God is rooted has been unknown to you for a long time, those who were able to touch you there had a sudden and often overwhelming power over you. They became part of your identity. You could no longer live without them. But they could not fulfill that divine role, so they left you, and you felt abandoned. But it is precisely that experience of abandonment that called you back to your true identity as a child of God.

Only God can fully dwell in that deepest place in you and give you a sense of safety. But the danger remains that you will let other people run away with your sacred center, thus throwing you into anguish.

It might take a great deal of time and discipline to fully reconnect your deep, hidden self and your pubic self, which is known, loved, and accepted but also criticized by the world. Gradually, though, you will begin feeling more connected and become more fully who you truly are – a child of God. There lies your real freedom.”

As I read this entry my first reaction was to think about my life and how I view myself. But after awhile I began to think about others and the people I love and the kids I work with here in Uganda. I thought to myself, “they need to know this, every person needs to know that they belong to God and are His child.” How different would our world be if more of us truly believed we were children of God? As I type I feel like shouting it from the mountain tops, “Do you know how loved you are? Do you know how cherished and valued you are to God? You are His precious child.” Then it comes back to me, do I truly believe this and can I genuinely share this with others if I don’t?

Something to continue to pray and meditate upon in months ahead.

Are We Ready?

When I think about meeting Jesus I think about it terms of when I go to Heaven and meet Him there. I rarely think about Him coming here. In fact I think I’ve only thought about Jesus’ return to earth a few times, but I was reading Mark a few days ago and came across Jesus’ words in Mark 13: 32–36:

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son but only the father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away. He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task and tells the one at the door to keep watch. Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back – whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he come suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’”

This makes me think. This makes me think about how we spend our time and money. Do we spend our time and money wisely? Do we spend it in a way that would make our Father smile? Do we spend our time and money in selfish ways? Are we spending our time with the poor, lonely, sick and orphaned?

If we are not spending our time or money in a way that brings glory or honor to God, it surely isn’t due of lack of direction; it is purely on our own selfish ambition. The bible is extremely clear on what we are to do with our time and money. It is stated over and over:

James 1:26-27 “if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself religion and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Leviticus 25: 35 “If one of your countrymen becomes poor and is unable to support himself among you, help him….”

Luke 12:33-34 “Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heave that will not be exhausted where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Romans 12:13, 15 “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

2 Corinthians 8: 13-15 “Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: ‘He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.’”

I could give hundreds of more examples of how we are to live our lives, but the main question is: Are we living in a matter that Jesus would applaud? Or are we living in a matter that Jesus would condemn? Do we put off service for another time or do we serve everyday, all day? What would Jesus see us doing if He came back right this minute? Would you be proud of what He saw or would you be embarrassed?

I suppose many of these are rhetorical questions. The answer is that we are absolutely not living in equality and we are not living in a way in which we would want Jesus to see us. I can say this because it is true. The fact that many people in America and other parts of the world have more than one house or upwards of 4, 5 and 6 cars while others don’t have water, shoes or food proves my point that we are not living in equality. And to be honest, I can’t actually think of a viable reason why this is ok. There is absolutely no excuse or reason that can convince me that the inequality we live with in this world is justified. I think Jesus would be appalled at the way we are living.

Maybe some people would just say that this is the way the world is and that is that. Well, that is crazy. We have all the control in the world to change this. We may not be able to change it on a global level, but on a personal level we are in complete control. The choice is ours: $200 dinners for ourselves or education for 200 children in the Sudan, our new $40 pair of shoes (and let’s be honest that is one the low end) or 40 pairs of shoes for kids in Kenya, $500 water filters for our houses or safe, clean drinking water for a village of 500 people in Indonesia? The choice is entirely ours.

On a non-tangible level, are we rejoicing with those that rejoice? Are we mourning with those that mourn? Or are we too wrapped up in our own lives that we haven’t even noticed those around us that are rejoicing or mourning? Do we sit with those who are full of sorrow or go to the mall? Are we crying with our friends who cry or meeting somebody out for drinks after work? Are celebrating our family and loved ones or celebrating ourselves?

Nkumba is not a perfect place by any means but it is the place where I have seen the gospel lived out the most. People who have very little share with those who have nothing, and they trust that Jesus will provide. People here come along the side of the sick, take care of their children and visit them at the hospitals. People here drive their neighbors to clinics and help pay for medical bills when their kids come down with Malaria. My friends here give up buying new clothes for themselves to buy clothes and shoes for the kids. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a lot to learn from these people. The truth is that I have a ton to learn. I am not sure I entirely know how to live a life of equality but I pray that I never lose sight of the importance of this and what the bible calls us to do. I know that I don’t always spend my time in a way that is pleasing to Jesus and I’d be embarrassed if He came back to see that. I pray that each day I am here I learn a bit more about serving the poor, the widow and love the sick. I think this is something we all need to learn more about.

But the question remains: Are we living in such a way that makes Jesus want to come back to this place?

Back in Uganda

I’ve been back in Uganda for a week now and wanted to post a quick update. I arrived last Friday and was greeted by two of my dear friends, Julius and Daniel. Despite a small breakdown in the Toronto airport (note to self to never fly through there again), the trip back was easy and restful.

From the minute I stepped back into Pastor’s house Friday night, it felt like I had never left. Everything was great and easy. On Saturday I stopped by the school and was overwhelmed by the warm greeting from all the kids. I definitely missed the kids when I was gone but really underestimated how wonderful it would be to see them. As I took my time to hug each one I was reminded of how truly blessed I am by these children. The truth is that the little I am able to give these children is a fraction of what they give to me. And for that I am blessed.

This entire week was absolutely wonderful. I spent almost all day everyday with the kids. I arrived at school around 8 am each day and left around 7 pm or 8 pm each night, and had I not been so exhausted I would have probably stayed a bit longer. Since school is on break right now for a few weeks there are few kids that have remained. While I miss the other kids dearly, it is nice to be able to spend quality time with the ones that are still around. This week I tried to provide a bit of structure to the kid’s day and do a few things that would help them in school. I wasn’t sure how flashcards and books would go over but they turned out to be a huge success. It is amazing to see how excited the kids are to read books, practice their math and words and color. I am reminded of how we take advantage of so many things in the US. I don’t think you could find a group of 20 kids anywhere in the US that would be occupied for hours and hours with a few flashcards, a few coloring books, crayons and books.

I think the most amazing thing that has happened this week is that through reading books with the kids, several kids that I was not close with before I left, now won’t leave my side. I was here for over four months before I went home and now in one week I have become close with kids I really never knew before. God is so good. I love that in one week I have developed new relationships with kids, and been able to spend hours upon hours listening to them read, watch them color beautiful pictures and practice their math. I’ve watched as their eyes light up when they get a word right or are praised for a job well done with reading or coloring or speaking English so well. What a blessing to be able to spend my entire day loving on children?! What a blessing to be able to spend my entire day hugging my kids?! What a blessing to be able to spend my entire day encouraging kids as they read and sound out words and add six plus five?! On Thursday morning I had coffee with a friend of mine and didn’t get to the school until around 1 pm. As I was greeted by Marriet, one of my new friends, she told me she had been waiting for me all morning because she wanted to read books with me. How awesome is that?!

I will be honest in saying that I often times compare myself with others and have felt as though I wasn’t doing any good in Uganda because I wasn’t rescuing starving children or pulling people off the streets. But I think I’ve realized this week more than ever that hugging children that don’t have parents, reading books with kids that have never been read to before bed and telling kids that they are smart, beautiful and loved is equally important in God’s eyes. I don’t need to be pulling starving kids off the streets to serve God and I don’t need to go looking for ways to serve him. He has blessed me with dozens of children at my feet and there are endless ways to serve them. These children need to know how dearly loved they are by God. These children need to know that they are beautiful, intelligent and absolutely precious, and I consider myself blessed to be able to deliver that message.